They’ve sped up to the point where they provoke
The punch-line before they have told the joke
Plenty of desperation to be seen
Staring at the television screen
They’ve sped up to the point where they provoke you
To tell the fucking punch-line before you have told the joke
“Sorry, sunshine, it doesn’t exist
It wasn’t in the top 100 list”
And it’s the thousandth time that it’s even bolder
Don’t be surprised when you get bent over
They told you, but you were dying for it
Saw it and she grabbed it and it wasn’t what it seemed
The kids all dream of making it, whatever that means
Another variation on a theme
A tangle on the television and the magazine
Do you reckon that they do it for a joke?
Do you reckon that they make ’em take an oath?
That says that we are defenders
Of any poser or professional pretender around
When did your list
Replace the twist and turn like a fist
Replaced a kiss?
Don’t concern us with your bollocks
I don’t want your prayer
Save it for the morning after
And it’s the thousandth time and it’s even bolder
Don’t be surprised when you get bent over
They told you, but you were gagging for it
Let’s have a game on the teddy picker
Not quick enough, can I have it quicker?
Already thick, and you’re getting thicker
Let’s have a game on the teddy picker
Not quick enough, can I have it quicker?
Already thick, and you’re getting thicker
Presuming that all things are equal?
Who’d want to be men of the people
When there’s people like you?
Piercing Satire on Fame and the Media
“Teddy Picker” by Arctic Monkeys is a biting critique of the modern celebrity culture and the relentless pursuit of instant fame. The song uses the metaphor of a “teddy picker”—a claw machine game—to represent the randomness and desperation of chasing stardom. Through clever lines and sharp imagery, the lyrics mock both the industry and those who aspire to quick success, highlighting how superficiality and mediocrity are often rewarded over genuine talent. The chorus’s rapid-fire delivery mirrors society’s impatience, while references to television and magazines underscore the influence of media in shaping public perception. Ultimately, the song questions whether fame is worth the cost and pokes fun at the authenticity of those involved in the spectacle.
Song Credits
- Artist: Arctic Monkeys
- Songwriters: Alex Turner, Jamie Cook, Matt Helders, Nick O’Malley
- Release Year: 2007
- Label: Domino Recording Company